Self Esteem & Confidence


Self esteem is one of your greatest assets. It not only determines how you feel about yourself and life, it also plays a huge part in your health.

Self esteem affects nearly every area of your life. From how you perform at work to your relationships to how you perform at sport.

While most people believe they have good self esteem, they don’t. They rate their self esteem on how they feel – now.

When I was an Area Manager for a multi national company, I thought I had good self esteem. And I did, so long as things were working well. When things went wrong, when I felt rejected or a failure, my self esteem plummeted. After one relationship break-up I was admitted to hospital with chest pains and suffering depression. I reached a point where I didn’t care if I lived or died.

To make matters worse, my employer decided to terminate my employment for reasons only known to them. A new mortgage and no income. One way of getting some quick money was to sell some items. Two friends purchased nearly everything I had for sale. The problem was – they never paid me!

From below rock bottom, I could only go up. I began studying the power of the mind and then began helping others take control of their life. Even though I had completed numerous courses, attended many seminars, read hundreds of books and listened to countless tapes, I was still struggling.

It was only after showing a client a new way of overcoming rejection that she commented just how much I had helped her. I thought “Maybe I should have a look at this” – and I did.

This is what I have discovered:

What you think about yourself

determines what you think about life.

The Self Esteem Test:

With 100 being the best you could ever feel and 0 being the absolute worst, the depths of despair:-

Rate how you feel now      ___ / 100

Rate the worst you could feel. If someone close to you died, you were rejected out of a relationship, lost your job or everything you own – how far down would you go?                                         ___ / 100

Most people rate how they feel now between 50 and 75 (which is a worry in itself). I consult with people when this figure drops below 50 as they don’t like the way they feel. For the worst people could feel, over 85% go to 0 or below with some going to minus 100 (especially drug users and anorexics!).

How you feel comes under the heading of self esteem. I call how you feel “Now” your False Self Esteem as it is forever changing and, more importantly, is driven by your Real Self Esteem. Your “Real” is the worst you can feel and this base level represents you at your most insecure. So your insecurities determine how you feel and how you process what is happening in your life.

This makes sense when you think about it. For me, when everything was going well, my False was high. As soon as I felt rejected, I rapidly headed in a downward direction. The further down I went, the worse I felt. I also discovered just how dependent I was on others to meet my needs. Ouch!

The revelation of this changed my life – totally – in an instant.I began putting together my own concept on self esteem and began teaching it to others. I found I could help people turn their life around in one session. People started mastering problems like depression, anxiety, panic attacks, anorexia/bulimia, weight issues, gambling, relationship problems, jealousy, possessiveness, addictions, obsessions, anger and stress.

You are born with low self esteem. At birth, you are totally (100%) dependent on your parents to satisfy both your physical and emotional needs. You are dependent on your parents to bath you, dress you, change nappies and feed you. You are also dependent on them to love and accept you and make you happy. While you are taught how to become independent physically, you are never taught how to become independent emotionally so you therefore stay dependent on others for how you feel.

Why do you stay dependent?

Because your parents were never taught, they will not be able to teach you. School has little to no concept on what self esteem is and how to teach it so you feel happy and in control all the time.


You can have low self esteem, because:

You are never taught what self esteem is and how to have it.

Others put you down.

You believe the hurtful words and actions of others.

You live/have lived with people with low self esteem.

You have negative thoughts about yourself.

You do not like the way you look.

You worry what other people think.

You expect others to satisfy your needs.

You expect others to do the right thing by you.

You doubt whether one or both parents love you.

Your parents did nothing/everything for you.

You compare yourself to others or to certain standards.

People compare you to others or to certain standards.

You feel a victim.You feel inferior to others – looks, performance or ability.

You have been punished without separating your bad behaviour from you.

Things forever go wrong.

Lose people who you are close to.

Living in a dysfunctional family.

You rely on drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, food, caffeine, exercise for how you feel.

You have learnt to control others.

Thinking what you have is “you”.


People with low self esteem:

Think they are better than another person.

Think another person is better than themselves.

Think they are useless worthless, don’t count.

Wish others the worst or harm.

Their way is the only way.

They always have to be right.

Think only of themselves.

Are not interested in improving their life.

Know it all.

Pretend everything is okay when it is not.

Will not accept help from others.

Think they need someone to make them feel good.

Are selfish and/or self centred.

Feel anger, hatred, resentment and seeks revenge.

Feel jealous, possessive or envious.

Feel emotionally hurt when someone puts them down or degrades them.

Have feelings of depression and sadness.

Feel embarrassed or ashamed when things wrong.

Focus on what is going wrong.

Isolate themselves from others.

Feel others are talking about them.

Feel lonely or alone.

Don’t trust others.

Feel left out.

Want to hurt others – physically and/or emotionally.

Hurt themselves in any way.

Fail to stand up for themselves.

Like being the life of the party.

Fail to consider others.

Fail to consider themselves.

Always considering others.

Need to come first, to win or come last.

Need to stop another person from succeeding.

Fear success and failure.

Gossip and making fun of others.

Say mean things to others.

Shy or withdrawn.

Loud and overbearing.

Fail to keep themselves, their clothes, their residence clean (unhealthy).

Purposely break things or deface property.


Over or under eat.

Don’t like making mistakes.

Will not try new things.

Want to change others to suit themselves.

Do not respect other people or their property.

Do not respect themselves or their property.

Always have to have their own way.

Do not consider others.

Tell fibs and constantly swear.

Worry what others think.

Need to be perfect.

Consume a product to feel good – like drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, food, coffee

Have to control others – especially with violence.

Are greedy.


Like To Know More?

It is important to feel in total control of your life at all times and have high self esteem.

To learn how to achieve this, read “Empower Yourself: A Practical Guide to Building Self Esteem” or “You Have The Power”.

You may even like to do a consultation with Clive and learn strategies on how to get the best out of yourself.

Keen to do an on-line program?

“Live Your Life Potential” is a 12 Module program where Self-Esteem is covered in great detail. I call self-esteem the nucleus of our life. It determines how we think, what we think, how we behave and how we perform. Get it right and you enjoy an unbelievable life. This “Live Your Life Potential” Program is like the Manual of Life.

For more information, either give Julie a call on 02 6921 6373 or e-mail us at clive@clivemurphy.comIt’s your life.

Don’t you deserve to be the best you can?




Phone: 02 6921 6373  Email:  Address: P.O. Box 2421, Wagga Wagga NSW 2650 Australia