Bullying

 

Bullying is a BIG problem:

In Schools

In Workplaces

With Social media

 

What is Bullying?

There are many definitions. Most summarize into the deliberate desire to hurt another person either physically/emotionally or both.

Bullying can be carried out by one or more people.

Bullying can involve:

(a) Hitting a person

(b) Insulting a person

(c) Using social media to degrade or upset a person

(d) Spreading rumours

(e) Getting others to dislike a person and so excluding them.

Bully’s pick the best time and place to create the biggest impact. This is determined by what the bully wants to achieve.

If the bully wants to teach someone a lesson or make them feel bad, they can do it in private. The victim soon learns not to mess with the bully.

If the bully wants to prove they are superior, they can create a public display so people know just how good the bully is and no-one should mess with him or her.

If the bully feels threatened in any way, they can set out to degrade the culprit. For example, if a girl is deemed to be attractive and is getting much attention from the boys, a girl may feel threatened so sets out to prove the attractive girl is inferior in some way. This may involve spreading rumours on Facebook (by saying things like “she’s a slut”), sending derogatory text messages or physically harming her so she no longer looks attractive.

The bully generally likes to see their victim suffer as this allows them to feel they are a winner and superior in some way.

The victim is the one who really suffers. They begin to believe all the hurtful words and actions of the bully. They often ask why they are the ones that are being picked on and their self-esteem plummets. They can become scared of the bully, scared of what others think of them and this can lead to depression and even suicide.

 

How to Deal With Bullying

There are many ways:

1. Work on getting the bully to stop.

This will involve the students, teachers and the bully’s parents. If the needs great enough to stop, the bully will stop.

 

2. Work with the bully to help them overcome their poor self-esteem.

Bullies are attempting to prove they are better or are wanting to degrade others so they in turn feel better about themselves.

 

3. Work with the victims to improve their self-esteem.

It is important for the victim to identify they are not the one with the problem. They need to feel good about who they are as a person and what they do.

Both the bully and the victim are insecure. The bully gains a feeling of security by degrading others deemed as a threat in some way. This in turn makes them feel better.

The victim is insecure because they are taking on the hurtful words and actions of the bully.It is important to work with the victims so they know the problem is not theirs. They know they are a good person. It is also important for the victim to learn how to not push the buttons of the bully to get him or her fired up so they want to take more action.

People will only continue to do something so long as there is a benefit in it for them. If there is no benefit, they will cease the action.

Think of teasing your brother or sister. While he/she reacts, you will continue to do it. If he/she ceases to react, you will look for another way to get her/him to react. If that fails, you will eventually give up.

Many years ago, I conducted a course with the PCYC for a local boys high school. We worked with people who were 15 and 16 years of age.

We discovered the bullies were all good at sport and poor academically. The victims were good academically yet poor at sport. At school, sport played little or no part. The whole day was taken up with learning. Because the bullies saw themselves as being inferior, their aim was to pull the academics back a notch and they did this by physically and verbally harming them.

Our aim was to empower the victims and teach the bullies how to feel more secure at school so they no longer had the need to bully.

There are two things that drive us: either to avoid pain or to gain pleasure.

It’s only when the pain reaches a certain level that people decide to take a new course of action. Think of feeling sick. You may feel very sick yet put off seeing the doctor until you absolutely have to. Most fail to go to the doctor out of pleasure for a check-up!

One way of creating pain for the bullies was to take them to a local jail and have selected inmates speak to them. This was very carefully done and monitored. After a tour of the jail, many bullies decided that was not the best road to take and changed their ways.

One teacher reported back to us they witnessed a bully approach a victim and begin calling the victim names and push them. The victim failed to react and walked away. The teacher asked the victim why he walked away. The victim said “I know he wasn’t speaking about me and it’s not my problem”.

 

4. Leaving the school or workplace for another school or workplace.

This can work although the problem just may happen again.

The institution needs to introduce a plan to empower victims and teach bullies how to feel secure without harming someone. People are happy when action is being taken. More problems arise when the institution doesn’t want to know about the problem and the suffering continues.

 

5. Some people advocate fighting fire with fire.

They teach their children how to take the bully on at their own game.

One parent was tired of his small son getting picked on so taught him how to fight.

One day this large bully decided to hit the small boy in front of his friends. The small boy warned the bully three times to stop hitting him and then said he was going to get a teacher. The bully then blocked his path and again hit him. The small boy then retaliated and sat the bully on his bottom with a black eye for all to see.

The bully never picked on that child again.

This action is radical and one I don’t condone. All other options should be explored first.

Both the school and working community should work together to eliminate bullying.

In the case of school, parents of children who bully need to take more responsibility in helping the school to stamp out this behaviour. They, too, can do their bit.

If you have been bullied, remember, the hurtful words and actions of others do not define you. They define the person creating the problem.

It is important for you to know you are a great person who has much to offer. Feel secure with this.

If you feel harmed in any way, report it to the school and to your parents. Your parents need to deal with this carefully as many victims feel if the bully finds out they have been reported and will get into trouble, they will often make life worse for the victim.

 

Like To Know More?

If you would like to build your self-esteem or have more information on how to deal with bullying, you can:

✓ Read You Have The Power

✓ Read Empower Yourself

✓ Have a Consultation

✓ Complete a 12 Module Course (on-line) titled “Live Your Life Potential”.

 Give Clive a call on 02 6921 6373 or outside Australia +61 2 6921 6373

 

 

 

 Phone: 02 6921 6373   Email: info@clivemurphy.com   Address: P.O. Box 2421, Wagga Wagga NSW 2650 Australia