Everyone gets angry at some point.
Numerous things can set it off.
It can range in intensity from frustration to full on rage where you completely lose it. I had one client who wrecked a car with a hammer because something kept going wrong. In pure frustration, he lost it and dented every panel. Others have had something done or said to them and they have ‘blacked out’ with rage and caused untold damage.
When people seek help, they ask for “Anger Management”. I prefer to offer “Dealing With Anger”.
Managing means you have it and are keeping a lid on it, it is under some level of control. It’s still there waiting to come out.
You are better off dealing with it so you don’t get angry.
Before we talk about anger, let’s first recognise that emotion is accumulative.
Imagine you get frustrated (and a cup of frustration goes into the bucket). Some time later, something else frustrates you and you add another cup. Later, more frustration so another cup is added. Then, some very small event occurs which produces a small amount of frustration. When this is added to the jug, it creates an overflow and the whole jug then erupts with anger.
As an example, a mother was saying how people she worked with frustrated her. After three major frustrations during the day (and keeping them in as she had to be nice to her customers), once home and her two-year-old pee’d on the floor, she had reached ‘frustration saturation’ and it all came out in a big way. She went off at her two-year-old saying things she would later regret.
It left her wondering how such a small event (her child peeing on the floor) could produce such a huge reaction.
Simple. She had had enough of things going wrong.
Her jug had overflowed.
Be aware emotion is accumulative and it is best to stop it at the start.
Frustration is a mild form of anger.
So, what is Anger?
While it is an emotion and a reaction, it is a state where your needs are not being met. Things are not happening for you. Someone is not doing the right thing. Things are not working out.
Anger is also a form of control.
When your needs are not being met, you feel out of control.
You get this control back through being angry.
Think back to childhood.
When you did something ‘wrong’, your parents got angry with you. Your reaction was to stop doing what was wrong and do what was right as you didn’t want your parents to be angry – unless you were baiting them!!
We soon learn the quickest way to control people (and get them to do what you want) is to get angry with them.
If it’s not people you want to control, it can be an object. Something is not working so you smash it to smithereens, thinking “Take that for not working or upsetting me. That will teach you. See, I control you.”
A Chinese proverb well worth remembering:
You will not be punished for your anger,
You will be punished by your anger.
Being angry can be expensive.
The cost of a broken relationship (as your partner is no longer going to put up with your anger) or the cost of replacing something you have broken in anger.
Are the consequences really worth it?
Think about it, if you are feeling angry about something or with someone, who determines how you feel?
They do.You are allowing them to make you angry.
Take the control back.
You should be determining how you feel.
Work on controlling how you think and your reactions.
Work on being calm, positive and in control.
Like to know more?
Books: “You Have The Power” and “Empower Yourself”
Program: “Live Your Life Potential”
A one-on-one Consultation